I dont even know what to say...

So I will just friggin say it! Ok, a week ago I had my car towed at the Crawfish Boil..All the drama from that was enough to keep me occupied from what is really going on in my life right now..Its really weird to me that on the same day that my life was turned upside down from all the crap the city of Birmingham handed me, it was also the same day that I had gotten a call from my OB-GYN's office telling me that the mammogram I had 2 days before had a "suspicious" mass and that I needed to have another mammogram on Monday morning.. uugghhhh...



Ok.. Let me start this by telling you that I have been preparing for this moment mentally since I was 17 years old..My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at 45..I was 17..I really didnt fully comprehend the whole ordeal..I was soo into myself..I was a friggin teenager.. But I do remember worrying about my mom..It was kind of surreal to me too..It happened so fast, it seemed..My mom went in and had a mammogram, after her doctor nagged her into it..She basically went in there and had it to shut him up! lol So, she was shocked when she found out that she had a small "area of suspicion", smaller than 2 cm in her right breast..It seemed that all of a sudden, she had a mastectomy and reconstruction in one fell swoop! I know it wasnt like that, but thats the way it seemed in my 17 year old mind..

Anyway, all of these memories came back to me yesterday when I was contacted , once again, by my OB-GYN office telling me that the mass was indeed suspicious and that the next step would be that I meet with a doctor at St. Vincents about having the "suspicious mass" that measured approximately 1.5 cm, biopsied..Biopsy..What an ugly word.. Seriously..I wish it was a better word.. But I guess there is no pretty word to describe a technique used to extricate a substance from a "suspicious mass" and test it to see if it is cancerous or not..

Like I said before, I have been preparing for this moment since I was 17..Well, for the most part I was..I cannot begin to explain how I feel inside..I really cant..Im not sad..Im not mad..Im not anything..Probably because we arent even sure if this is a big deal or not..All I know is this : My mom had a similar "suspicious mass" in her right breast, just like me..Hers measured less than 2 cm, just like me..I guess preparing mentally was best for me, all these years..Atleast Im not in denial..I know that if I have it, Its there..Nothing I can do about it..It will be removed..I will deal with it..If I dont have cancer, I will just wait til the next time I have to deal with this again.. lol Anyway, say a prayer for me tomorrow..I will see the surgeon at 11:30..